Do you have a list of baby names you love and then boom! in comes your significant other stomping on your list because they don’t like anything that sounds good. Are you in a baby naming war? I had baby naming issues too. We fell into a baby naming war because of a first-born boy.
Although it can be a tough battle when naming your kid, know they will always be yours.
For a long time I thought my baby boy was a baby girl. So like most moms I thought about the names I had already came up with when I was younger. Trust me most women have a list like this. I started a list of the names I still liked. Then I went online and on Pinterest and looked for more names. I started creating a combination of first and middle names I liked.
I shared my list with my boyfriend, Pop and he would tell me which combinations he liked or didn’t like. He was surprisingly more picky about names then I expected. He is more of a roll right off the shoulders kind of guy so I didn’t expect this. But Pop basically hated every name I told him. Said he wasn’t “feeling them”. I also started calling my baby pecan from in the womb until I could settle on a name.
Then I found out my baby was a Boy!
This changed everything you could imagine. For 4 months I hoped and prayed for a girl. I wanted a mini me. I had this long list of girl names and a very, very short list of boy names. And I only had a short list of boy names as a backup to be honest. When were in the OB-GYN for our ultrasound to tell us the sex of our baby I walked in confident she was going to tell us girl. When she said “BOY” I asked the ultrasound tech if she was sure she saw a boy on the screen. I made her check 3 times. Asked her if she confused a penis with an arm or leg or something. She even printed out a sonogram photo of his penis for us, just to prove to me that we were actually having a boy. She also said we were her funniest couple to experience this with.
I started loosing it. Don’t get me wrong I didn’t mind having a boy. I just really thought I was going to have a girl first. Months before I was pregnant I even had a name come to me from God. When I looked it up it meant “praised” and it was a beautiful little girl’s name. But when reality hit, I needed to shift gears. When it finally settled in for me that I was having a little boy, I needed to return to my short list and work on it.
I starting calling my baby boy in my belly, Pudding. It’s been his nick name ever since. It felt more fitting than Pecan for his new identity.
Of course his father wanted his first-born son to be named after him.
My list of names didn’t matter to anyone but myself. His father, Pop wanted our baby boy to be named after him. Now this isn’t an unusual thought, but Pop was also a first-born son so he was named after his father too. He wanted my baby boy to be the third in this long line of same named men. Shaking my head, here we go. Now I like Pop’s first name, its fancy sounding and it’s cool to me. But his middle name is not cute at all. I didn’t and still don’t like it. But the issue didn’t end there.
My friends and family said what about changing the middle name to a name I liked. But noooo, Pop didn’t want our son to be a “Jr.” He thought it didn’t make sense since Pop was a “second”. He thought it just sound funny and our son being a “third” was better. Mind you, when I narrowed down the list of names I did like, I only had two names I actually loved and I hadn’t even started a search for middle names yet. Oh yea and my mother was in my ear saying “what about a biblical name?” It was like everyone was on their own page in this war.
But my thing was, if he was to be a “third” it shouldn’t just be because he is named after his father. A “third” represents legacy, importance, something passed down. It didn’t have to be wealth, it could be a house, a successful business, a anything. If he was going to be named after his father, it can’t be just because.
This name conversation, starting to turn into a war. Every time we spoke about it. It would lead to an argument. It became like we couldn’t speak on it at all. I talked to my Pastor about it and she told me, if this name thing was causing arguments we should stop and not let it stress us. God wouldn’t want us to argue. Our baby was going to be a son of God no matter what his name was. We stopped talking about it all together. Even got to the baby shower and everyone kept asking us about our baby’s name and we hadn’t settled on anything yet. (Our baby shower was a little over a month before I gave birth.)
After I gave birth I was weak.
I couldn’t fight anymore. In the heat of the moment of just pushing out a kid and your placenta, you’re in shock. Those nurses are running around doing all kinds of stuff, then one shouts out above the madness, so Mom what’s his name. And I agreed for our baby boy to have his dad’s name.
One night maybe a month or so after the birth of our son we were sitting down at dinner and we got into the name conversation again. I told Pop that I wish we didn’t argue but talked more when deciding our son’s name. A feeling came over me. I couldn’t lie I wasn’t 100% in agreement of naming him after his father. I didn’t regret naming him after his father or hated the name. I explained to Pop, I felt this way because I wanted to have a more physical and long-lasting role in naming my son. It’s different being a mom of a boy. They only for so long want to be up underneath their moms and okay with getting hugs and kisses from mom in public. I knew I would always be his Mom but his name would be something I would always be apart of no matter how old he gets. I’m still not sure if I am even describing this properly but I knew how I felt.
I also wanted him to have his own identity. Being a “third” meant he was after two other people with the same name, even if he was related to them. He didn’t have his own name and wouldn’t be able to make his own way from the start. Pop couldn’t understand what I meant by this. He told me he had his own identity. I told him, I’m sure you now do but from the very start he was the second and not the first. His family called him “lil” because there was already a big. I told him he couldn’t see because he was so used to living this way. His family wasn’t going to point out to him this kind of perspective. This is an outsiders perspective.
Pop assured me that I would always and forever be his Mom and that is involved and long-lasting. But there was still a part of me that wanted to have a touch on his name. I felt like I carried him in my belly for 40 weeks and 10 days and was in labor for 2 days to not be apart of every single inch of his life. I also understood Pop’s point of being his father and Pudding being his first-born son. That means a lot to men. I understood he was beside me for those 10 months and 10 days of pregnancy and 2 days of labor as well. I don’t even remember how the conversation ended but Pudding name was sealed on his birth certificate.
For the Win (conclusion)
For the most part I can tell you, this experience taught me this baby thing is definitely about hard compromises. And you won’t always be 100% happy but it is okay to be 99% happy. If you’re in a baby naming war with your significant other, don’t argue. Maybe one of you can pick one of your child’s name, or you both can agree on a name together. If you can’t find a way to agree on a name, then find a way anyways! Your kid will be yours forever, nothing, no one and no name can change that.
Do you have more ways to get through this war?
