My little man is 2 years old and already he knows he’s a black boy. Little black boys have to be nurtured and taught how to be black from very little. It’s an experience that can only be taught, either by one-self or by love-ones. A great way to do this is by teaching little black children how to see themselves in the world. So how do I protect his black boy joy as he beautifully grows from a 2yr old to a grown man? I’m going to tell you what are some of the best ways.
This post is apart of a series entitled “Protecting Little Black Boy Joy”. Stay tuned for more.
My little boy points to a black boy on one of his books in the house and says “It’s me, Mommy!” I smile and tell him “that is a little boy that looks like you baby”. I’m amazed. As young as he is, he knew that the little boy in his book was also a black boy just like him. This same example will happen a number of times after this. Whenever he saw a picture of his younger godbrother, characters on tv, or for that matter any other young black boy.
I hope reading this story, a light bulb went off for you! *Ding* I hope you can see the importance of how I raise my little black boy. Particularly how I help him see the world and how the world sees him. This is not just for me this is for every Black Mom (and Dad of course) out there.
As a black mother having a black child, I knew from the day I found out that I was having a boy, my husband and I would have to put an extra layer of love and nurturing on ensuring his black boy joy is protected. I knew life would be different for him. It’s not easy to be black in America. And It’s not easy to be a black man in America.
Knowing all the challenges that are against my little boy before he even took his first breath, makes tending to his development such an important factor in our household. So yes, we knew it would be important to consider many things for his life. Some include his relationship with God. His mental health. How loved he felt from his parents. Instilling in him that he is capable of being intelligent, fly, resilient, filled with joy and so much more. So many things run through the mind of a black parent.
In this part of my series, “Protecting Little Black Boy Joy” we will focus on how important it is for black boys, like my son to see themselves in the world.
My little Potato says to me every time he sees another little black kid, “It’s me, Mommy”. Even at 2years old, he sees himself in others that look like him. He can recognize the skin tone, hair type, child-like features and think that it’s him. *Side note: He can identify his self in photos. But he also thinks it’s him every time he sees a young black kid in a photo or on tv that resembles him.*
As a parent what do you say to that? I smile and tell him when it’s actually him. I also see the importance of him being able to see people like himself in different formats.
The World vs Little Black Boys
If you didn’t already know the world’s view of a little black boy can be saddening. A simple google, Facebook, or Instagram search will tell you. Since the dawn of time the world has painted a picture of black boys as being threatening, aggressive, troublemakers, not driven or focused, unintelligent, and treating them older than they are.
Which is extremely sad and untrue. Growing up in New York City myself, I’ve seen little black boys who are intelligent, creative, thoughtful, sweet, kind, motivated, talented, and much more! Far more than their counterparts might I add. But again, as a black woman, I know their struggle as it’s part of my own.
The way that world views little black boys presents a challenge that they have to overcome from birth. Before my son can enjoy what it means to be a kid, he’s presented with a horrid world that thinks untrue things about him. When he’s a beautiful joy from God.
It seems impossible to change the world. As we know people have been trying to change the world view on black people for years. Yet in 2020 were still so far behind! So what do we do?
Little Black Boys vs The World
How do we protect him in a world that is so ugly? We have to teach him. Here are 4 things we HAVE to teach our little black boy about the world.
Of course, as a child, my son thinks like a toddler. His view of the world is filled with happiness and kid tv shows of course. He is getting older and wiser every day. I can see him truly picking up on things, words, what he likes and doesn’t like, rather quickly. So my husband tells me we have to teach him things starting from now because he’s smart.
1. We have to teach him about the importance of his relationship with God and how faith will carry him through life. (Another post about this part of the series coming soon). A relationship with God is so important. It forces you to learn the skills you need to make it through life, such as faith, resilience, unconditional love, morals, charity. The list goes on and on. If I help him build a strong relationship with God, he has so much to fall back on when times get tough or even when times are great.
2. We, unfortunately, we have to teach him how the world views him. Even though he’s 2yrs old, “the talk” and not the one you’re thinking is coming up soon. Black parents don’t have an option to not talk to their children about racism, white supremacy, or what it means to live in a white world. Their very lives depend on them knowing how to move when a cop stops you, right or wrong. Their life depends on if the wrong white woman finds them to be threatening. The talk has to happen to save him. To put him above the challenges of the world that are already pressed against him.
Because of this, I’m holding on to the days where he’s excited to see himself in a book. Where he’s happy to see his friends at daycare. Where he’s excited for me to sit down play cars with him. I’m holding on to his beautiful smiling face that laughs so hard it makes others smile and laugh.
3. We then teach and show him how to be empowered by his blackness. He’s beautifully made. Every inch of him is made in the image of God. He is sun-kissed and filled with happiness. He is strong, intelligent, happy, and filled with love. Although the world may not always see him as such we have to teach him that He knows who He is. The world can’t tell him who he is. His black is beautiful. How could a world that’s never spent time in his presence or listen to him speak know him more than himself?
So when he gets to school and a little turd of a kid tries to tell him he can’t be great because of his skin color. He won’t let that stop his show. If anything it will empower him to prove to them how great he is.
We have to empower him to love himself and what he is capable of. Once he’s out in the world, the world will try to tell him otherwise. And it’s not the truth. We have to continually create a messaging of how great it is and will always be To Be Black.
4. We have to teach him how to not let the world stop him from being his best self. Yet be aware of the world’s thinking, then move accordingly. After we’ve empowered him, we then have to help me move with that empowerment in the best form. Yes you’re black and you’re proud, so pursue your heart’s desires. Be and do anything you put your mind too because you’re able to do it. Being black won’t stop you from being happy, intelligent, driven, strong, a traveler, a teacher, a home-owner, a lawyer, a change maker, bold, a lover, and so much more. I don’t want him to feel like he’s limited because he’s a black boy.
He is capable and able to do all these things but we also have to teach him how to do it. He has to do it in the environment that he’s in. Which is this very sadden world. If he moves accordingly and plays the game he can do it and much more. We have to show him the millions of Black Men and black people in the world that are happy, successful and filled with pride. We also have to teach him the importance of giving back to his people by paying it forwards. For this is a way that we end the cycle.
He’s already surrounded by so much love. He already can see the many strong black men in his life that reflect the potential that exists within. This is important. It has been said many times that growing up seeing other black men be successful and present in young black men’s lives makes a difference to a black boy.
This all starts in our home of course. We have to set an example. Create an environment that is not only filled with these things but also filled with love. There is a thing out there about giving a boy too much love can be a bad thing but I disagree. God is love and we can never have enough God. So why would I ever limit my child of love? I know in his future when I look back too much love will never be the reason something bad happened. If anything it will be the reason he felt free enough to live. Free enough to be bold, free enough to leap into the faith of God, and free enough to fly to new limits.
For the Win (conclusion)
I know it’s not easy to be a little black boy in this world or to be a Black parent. What I do know is that God has us. We will go through trials and tribulations but God will carry us through it all if we believe and call on him.
I know my baby boy is and will continue to be great but I also know the world we live in. Therefore it’s important that we set him up for a future of success and not one of failure. This means cultivating a life for him that will set him apart from the rest. While still nurturing those parts of him that the world will try to test.
I pray how we have to teach him to be in the world will give you an idea of what it means to be a little black boy and a black parent. Thank you for listening. Being willing to learn, feel, and be responsible for making the world a better place for those that need it the most.
Go check out more from this series, “Protecting Black Boy Joy“
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