How are you managing Mom stress through this Pandemic? I’m losing my ish! No, seriously every day is little a battlefield and I have to mentally tell myself Love not War. This stay at home order has been rough on my Mommy mental and I wanted to share my experience. I hope you’re surviving.
Mommying In A Pandemic is hard. I don’t care who you’re talking to about how they’re doing at home with their kids, pets, and husband. If they don’t say it’s hard they’re lying. Yup, your friend is lying to you.
The pandemic has turned my Mommying upside down. I mean I actually have a kid upside down on my leg as I change his pull up while on a zoom meeting. The puppy is trying to steal wipes to chew on and my husband is in the back office on a work call.
It’s been a mix of great moments of I’ll never get this back and my goodness this is madness
Dear Mommy in a Pandemic,
You’re doing great and don’t worry this all will be worth it. This is a letter of a bit ranting. Maybe you’ve felt similar about how well this Mommying in a pandemic is going.
Mommying A Clinger: The Toddler + A Puppy
We’re Mom’s 24/7 but in this pandemic, we’ve been Mommying 24/7. If you’re a Mom you know exactly what I mean when I say this.
A New York Times article, “They Go to Mommy First” discussed the stay at home order has been harder on Moms. Especially Moms that are still working while at home. It stated the children go to Mommy first. No lightbulb went off for me because I felt that. I am living that every day. There has been no break for Mommying because the toddler doesn’t go anywhere. No more drop off at daycare and no more 8 hours of work/indirect me-time.
My son has been directly across from me or sometimes in my lap during all my zoom work calls. He’s across from me when I’m eating or when I’m just sitting to sit. My lovely little ball of joy must tell me his every move. I must watch his shows with him and sit down to play cars with him too. Now we’ve tried to make sure he’s not playing all day. We’ve worked on potty training and learning his letters and numbers. But you had no idea how much energy children have until they’re home with you 24/7 for 5 months straight.
He must sit in the bathroom as I use the bathroom and shower because he wants to be with me. This is not a drill friends, I’ve got a toddler that has now become my literal shadow. So it’s been a little rough to do things. I mean it’s already difficult to have your office be at your dinner table. Then add a toddler to the mix and it becomes even wilder.
It has been a challenge to get things done for work. I’ve had to up my game in distractions to get him to do things without Mommy. It works for a little while but generally not for long.
Then early on we added a puppy into the family because we thought it would be a great idea for some odd reason. Now I have a puppy and a toddler wrestling in the background of my zoom calls. It adds to my meetings but I’m always on mute. It’s been hard for me to get all the information but I’ve got better at piecing things together.
What I’ve realized is that nap time is the time to get things done. When I can, I get done the things I need and want to. I also use the mornings for quiet time. Usually, the kid and puppy are sleeping and I can do things that bring me peace. I use these times to read my morning articles, emails, read, write, journal, or organizing my to-do list.
What I’ve also realized is that it’s hard to have a toddler and a puppy around all the time with no breaks. This will hopefully be the only time in life that this will happen. I’ve got to enjoy it. My son is small and I’ll never get these months of watching him grow every day, all day before my eyes so I’ve got to enjoy it.
Mommying A Lost Of: Sleep, Me-time, Peace, Everything
I’ve never stopped losing sleep when my kid came along. Why would a pandemic change that? But now I’ve lost more things, such as me-time, peace and quiet, alone-time and sometimes it feels like my mind.
Since I’m Mommying 24/7 it leaves little room for other things, which has been a real challenge. Since my child is so young there’s a lot of attention given to him and his needs. Although I didn’t have much me-time before the pandemic, it feels like its been a lot less.
Before the pandemic, I got me-time during my lunch breaks. I would take a 20min nap, pray, journal, read, scroll through Instagram or even sit and be with my thoughts. Now I’ve got nap time. This hour and a half to 2 hours of time are where I get things I consider me-time done.
Sometimes I write, record my podcast, or even knit. Sometimes I nap right along with my son because again I’m always tired. But it doesn’t quite feel the same. I do appreciate the bit of peace and quiet that nap time can bring. Especially when the puppy and toddler are both sleeping.
My me-time is a thing that I miss and long for but I’m also not sure how to really take me-time. I use my me-time to get things done when I should be resting and relaxing. I should be because it’s what I really need.
What I’ve learned in all this you have to use your time wisely. I’ve always been a multitasker but this pandemic has caused me to use the clock to my benefit. You’ve got to focus and make every minute count. Whatever you choose to do with your time, make sure you use your time efficiently.
Mommying A Marriage: The Husband
I’ve had points within this stay at home order that I’ve felt a Mommy overload because there isn’t a pause button in any of this. This then leads to frustration, stress, and arguments with my husband.
At the beginning of all this, it was fun to be home together but then we were home all the time together. I started to feel like he wasn’t helping me enough with the kid and puppy. The little things started to build up and become big things. We were spending so much time together, we didn’t get the pleasure of being away from each other.
The thought of missing my husband was not a thought. He was around all the time that there wasn’t much to miss. Since we both worked the entire stay at home order, things didn’t slow down in our household. Honestly, it felt like everything became more of a rush. Our mornings are spent balancing the toddler, the puppy, and our schedule for the day. Each trying to tend to the needs of the children in-between meetings. All while still trying to manage our usual like cooking, supermarket runs, and our attempts at relaxation.
This left little time for love and affection especially when you’re in survival mode most of the time. Again, because the toddler would go to Mommy first, I felt like I was taking on the heavier load. My meetings were interrupted more than his because my desk was in the midst of all the madness. I sat on our dining table in the living room, which is now the playroom/living room for the house. This felt like I literally had nowhere to go. I felt trapped at the dining room table. My mind always racing, trying to remember my work to-do list, the kids’ to-do list, and my own I wish I could do list.
The feeling of carrying the physical weight of the engagement of the children is usually a feeling of a Mom. But damn-it we were in a pandemic and suppose to be in this together. So I of course had a few blow-ups, two to be exact. The overwhelming feeling of not finding my own peace spilled into our relationship. I felt like I needed more help and to be appreciated for taking on the load of caregiver and working Mom 24/7. I needed to be left completely alone for just a moment.
My blow ups and my son spending time at his grandmother’s house for a few days brought on the opportunity for us to talk. We got a chance to discuss what was going on and how we could actively make things better. We didn’t know when this would all be over and didn’t want to wait for whatever going back to normal would be like before we worked out our kinks.
What I’ve learned is that communication is extremely important and having some space in a relationship is necessary. We love each other yes but how we communicate can make all the difference. Having space is not a bad thing. It helps the love stay stronger. Space helps give each other the individual time to be better so we can be better when we’re together. My husband used exercising in the park for his space. I used blogging and podcasting for my space.
Although we didn’t see the end of this all in sight (still don’t) we knew that it wasn’t that bad. We argued mostly because we didn’t get a break from anything. Not each other, no the toddler, not the puppy, not work, not anything. Once we recognized the reality of this not being super horrible. It made it much easier to get over the little disagreements we were having.
For the Win
Although it’s hard to Mommy in a pandemic, take it as a learning experience. Here are some takeaways to hold you up:
- Find a way to pay attention to the positive moments.
- Take the time to slow down for the toddler. Other things may be important but not more important than the time you take for them. They’re only little for a short period in life. Enjoy it. Soak it up.
- Puppies are a lot of work but I’ve heard it’s worth it. I’m waiting for the second half of that statement to be fully true. But for now, let the energy of a puppy encourage you to find the strength within yourself. At least to be able to keep up with them. Hey, they love you even when you suck.
- You and your partner are going to argue. Now that we’ve said this out loud, great! The hard part is over, not get over it. You got with them or married them for some good reason, so remember that. Know that this is the weirdest and wildest circumstance. This is the “if you were stuck on a deserted island with your husband and family what would you…” A mystical story that we thought would never become a real situation. Look it’s real, so how do you actually want this to play out? Think of that you’ve got one-life-to-live positives and hold on that.
- Everything about this won’t be perfect or fabulous or wonderful as social media makes it seems. Stick within the bubble that is the reality of your life. How do you choose to live it? to love it?
How are you holding up Mommying in a pandemic? I would love to know all about it? Any tips you can share would be great.
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