Has the pandemic put a dent in the intimacy in your relationship? Have you been arguing more and laughing less? Well me too! Here are 2 simple rules to keeping the love going even when you’re stuck at home 24/7 with your significant other.
Dear Mom missing out on loving,
The pandemic caused an annoying hit to my relationship. The stay-at-home order had me stuck inside all day. My husband, 2year old toddler, and the puppy were driving me nuts. Creating serious stress for me. Want to hear more about how I made it out alive, read here: How to Manage Stress in a Pandemic While Being A Mom
Even with all the stress, we were also arguing a lot more. I realized the lovemaking stop as well. Now I’ve never been an angry sex type of person at all. I get way too caught up in my feelings for all that. Honestly, I don’t understand how people can do it. My anger is never rooted in passion in that kind of way.
At first, I didn’t realize that making less love was also placing a damper on our relationship. When I sat down to think about it there were a few things that were blocking the lovemaking. Some include the toddler and puppy were around 24/7, and we were working at home full-time. We were together all the time. We were annoying each other a lot more than usual.
You would think being home together all the time would be great quality family time. And it was, but it also caused us to not miss each other at all. How could I miss a dude that was sitting near me 24/7? A very hard thing to do for sure. So we needed to do something about the stress and about less lovemaking.
Intimacy is important in a relationship. It helps to balance out all the other important things in a relationship. According to the Family-Institute.org article, “The Often-overlooked Importance Of Physical Intimacy” research shows us that intimacy in a relationship has a strong influence on our physical and emotional well being. (Read article here)
I hope that doesn’t sound crazy because it’s so true. When the intimacy in your relationship is good, you feel better about tackling the other parts of your life. Much like self-confidence, it can be a boost.
So how did we get back to the lovemaking? I’ll tell you the 2 simple rules I learned were necessary to rekindle intimacy in a relationship during a pandemic:
Rule 1: Communication is key to Intimacy
Communication in any relationship especially in a pandemic is the most important rule. When your communication is on-point, you can face all challenges. You stay on the same page.
Becoming better communicators helped us to avoid pushing each other’s buttons as much as we could. Although it wasn’t perfect and something we have to continue work on. The fact that we were trying and putting an effort towards it made a difference.
The pandemic caused little issues or things that would be not that serious to feel like the end of the world. Communicating those things before you become resentful is important. You don’t want to hold on to little things that can lead to a blow-up. Trust me I know. Over the last 8 months of being at home, I had 2 blow-ups. If I had communicated clearly and with love from the start that things were bothering me, we could have come to a compromise. We could have made it work.
“Communication helps resolve things that seem unsolvable.”
We spent so much time together it was annoying and overwhelming. Learning to communicate we needed space. From each other, the toddler, the puppy, and even the apartment diffuse a lot of arguments. We got the opportunity to clear our minds. To be free of immediate responsibilities even if it was just for a moment.
More things we did to be better communicators included being clear about the things that bothered us. While bringing solutions on how to help us not annoy each other as much. We tried to be clear about our needs in all aspects of our relationship, not only the area of intimacy. We tried to avoid negative talk. This can shift a mood and a vibe extremely fast.
We tried to decrease saying things to each other that were unnecessary to a situation. Everyone knows throwing salt on a wound makes it worse, so why do it? Sometimes we want to get it out of our heads but usually, this makes things worse and not better. So we just tried to avoid doing that.
When we were better communicators we argued less. This definitely helped everything else and put us more in the mood to make love. We were happier and more willing in our marriage.
Rule 2: Making time for love is key to Intimacy
This is a very simple rule to follow. Make the damn time.
When you make time even if it’s scheduled time you force yourself to get in the mood. You even encourage your cravings to direct towards the love that’s on the way. You change your thinking around it. Which can also lead to increased levels of how you execute it. It might sound strange but it works.
It’s not a bad thing to plan it out. This can be helpful. Especially if you’re managing a lot between children, work, and other responsibilities. I’m not saying you have to get crazy with it. We definitely could do this every day, but a few times a week would be nice.
When we realized that physical intimacy would help us as individuals and to tackle other parts of our lives, we knew we needed to make the time. I think men are better at doing this naturally. At first for me, it was a little harder to wrap my head around it. I enjoyed the outcome of us making love so I recognized the connection between making the time.
Making the time for us included organizing our time. We used nap time for quiet lovemaking. Of course, making sure to take the dog on a long walk before so she was napping as well. Really any time when a kid and a puppy are napping is a good time for it. This also added a level of fun to the mix.
For the Win (conclusion)
Once we realized that as better communicators that were making the time for loving, the intimacy in our relationship was better as a result. These 2 simple rules are very important.
Although this can be a hard thing to do, it’s possible. I encourage you to work on being a better communicator in your relationship. It will not only increase your intimacy but do wonders for your life. I also encourage you to make time for lovemaking. Include it in with the rest of the important to-dos of the week.
Trust me you’re going to thank me later.
-From Kiki With Love
Tell me, what are some simple rules that help to increase intimacy in your relationship?
